COMMON CHARACTERISTICS

Romance - The Addiction Cycle Relationships - The Addiction Cycle

Addicted to "Love"

Lack of nurturing and attention when young
Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
Mistake intensity for intimacy
Hidden Pain
Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
Depressed
Highly manipulative and controlling of others
Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
Sense of worthlessness
Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty
Using others alter mood or relieve pain
Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
Driven, desperate, frantic personality
Existence of secret "double life"
Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
Defining "wants" as "needs"

We strongly suggest each woman obtains a Life Recovery Bible and the Participant Workbooks, which are the tools we use here at Celebrate Recovery.

Romance - The Addiction Cycle

Top Relationships - The Addiction Cycle

1 OBSESSION

Physical or emotional "trigger"
Consumed by thoughts
Plots, plans, schemes
Loss of concentration
Judgment impaired
6 JUSTIFICATION

Pain resurfaces
Rationalizations
Depersonalization of victim

2 THE HUNT

Driven to find relief
Seeks out someone or something
Point of no return
7 BLAME

Focus on own neglect or abuse
Refuse to accept responsibility
Lay problem at another's feet

3 RECRUITMENT

Movement to resolve pain
Enlistment, enticement, seduction
Risk
8 SHAME

Blaming seems inadequate
Horror at own actions
What sort of person must I be?
Stuff feelings

4 GRATIFICATION

Object of hunt is attained
Other person steps into desired role
Thrill of conquest
Victimization of other party
9 DESPAIR

Elation-depression cycle
Utter despair
Resolve to fix what is broken

5 RETURN TO NORMAL

Feel calm, peaceful
Switch" turned off
Mood altered
10 PROMISES

"Never again," list of promises
Fear of breaking promises
Return to start of cycle



*from p.51 of Addicted to "Love"






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RELATIONSHIPS - THE ADDICTION CYCLE



Top Romance - The Addiction Cycle

1 OBSESSION

Self-focus
Hurts from the past
Feelings of abandonment
Negative emotional state
6 JUSTIFICATION

I needed it
I deserve it
I had no choice

2 THE HUNT

Looking for love in all the wrong places
An available victim
Well-rehearsed ritual of enticement
7 BLAME

Usually focused on parents first
Spreads to others

3 RECRUITMENT

Tricks of the trade
Submissive nature
Mating calls
8 SHAME

Self-pity
Recognizes attachment to the "wrong person"
Self-betrayal

4 GRATIFICATION

New energy
Solving another person's problems
New attachment
Instant feeling of relief
9 DESPAIR

Feeling trapped
Over-responsibility

5 RETURN TO NORMAL

A new companion
Feeling of completeness
10 PROMISES

"Never again!"
Focus returns to hurt and pain
Obsession re-starts addictive cycle